Published Newsletters
Buy Blueprint for Success!
Buy Graceful moments
Click here to download Helen's latest article published in Loudoun Times on Job Search
HOME CHOICES FOR BOOMERS AND SENIORS
Reflecting on the different homes and moves in my life I realized that four moves ago, I thought we were in our final home. My step-mother still lives in our family home and I still visit and cherish the 40+ years of memories that remain there. I remember every room in my grandmother’s home including the long hall down which I pushed an antique rattan doll carriage. Our homes chronicle our lives. We’ve all known of people who spent their entire lives in one home. Likewise some of you have lived in more places than you can count.
My point is that we have many choices. Today more than ever, Boomers and Seniors have new options. Choose what is right for you at the moment, keep future needs in mind listen to the suggestions of loved ones, but decide for yourself. List on paper the elements that are important for you to feel at home and be at home.
You may want to stay right where you are. As long as you are physically able to navigate in the house, you are safe and financially comfortable; stay there, if you want. Your home may need some remodeling to suit your needs over time. You may need increasing levels of care in your home, but it is important to realize you have choices.
For many years- especially in NY State where I lived, many people retired and moved to Florida. This was all well and good when the grandparents are in good health and could travel to see the grandkids, but it also resulted in loneliness and separation for 3 generations. More problems arose when illness or increasing dependence made coping more difficult.
More and more people today who choose to downsize are looking at active retirement communities, either a bit farther south, near the ocean or right in the same general area where they live. This allows freedom from maintenance responsibilities while staying close to family, friends, and familiar services. Before making a move, be sure that your health insurance benefits will move with you and check the medical facilities in the new location. You also don’t want to be where rescue services cannot reach you in an emergency.
Still others today are building their dream homes for their own enjoyment. As one client told me it was time for her parents to have a “Wow” house with a “Wow” kitchen. They got just that and love it.
Many of us today are bringing a parent or relative to live in our homes. That may be a wonderful blessing for all concerned, but it is not without adjustments by all as the family dynamics change. My life was enriched when my grandmother came to live with us when I was in the 7th grade. Depending on the circumstances it can be a great lesson in compassion and a source of wisdom.
No one size fits all, nor do things remain constant. I have yet to not have one or two stray ducks in my row. The important thing to know is that there are numerous choices for Boomers and Seniors and numerous sources of information and counsel. We are living longer and more actively and our voice is more powerful. Explore the options that are right for you. What are the elements you need in your home for it to be “home”?
Helen Flynn, M.S.W., MEd., C.L.C., Realtor®
Direct: 703-328-7187
Website: www.helenflynnsells.com, www.clareaucoaching.com
Weichert, Realtors/ Clareau Coaching
YOUR HOME AND YOUR LIFE - August 2007
Last month we talked about the importance of order in your surroundings and your mental health. Today we are going to apply Brian Tracy’s (Author of Million Dollar Habits) method of accomplishing change in your home. Keep in mind that these same steps also apply to changes you want to make in your own life.
Step One - Making a Decision.
Decide what it is you most want to change in your home or in your life. Choose something that you have control over. From now on, the action you decided upon must be 100% consistent. If you decide to keep the kitchen counter clean, you must actively do it daily. If you decide to exercise, do it daily.
Step Two - No Exceptions
In the early stages of changing a habit, make no exceptions. The first few days of change are difficult but also exhilarating. It often becomes harder to not slide back after you’ve had some success. Keep your focus on what you are accomplishing, how good it feels, rather than on what you are giving up.
Step Three - Tell Others
If friends and family know what you have decided to do they will both support you and check up on you. They may also sabotage your efforts. Don’t let anyone talk you into “skipping” just this one.
Step Four - Visualize the Goal
See yourself being comfortable acting and behaving in the new way . Take a picture of your kitchen looking the way you want it and post it in your mind or where you can see it. See yourself confident and fit. Allow yourself to experience the positive feelings that arise.
Step Five - Create an Affirmation
The words we speak to ourselves have tremendous power. If you refer to yourself as a slob, that is the behavior that you will revert to. Use active present tense words such as
“I love coming home to a neat kitchen or I am becoming healthier every day.” Listen for the negative things you say to yourself and immediately neutralize them with a positive and believable statement.
Step Six - Resolve to persist
Keep practicing that new behavior until it is so much a part of you that to not do it brings discomfort. Some people cannot leave their bedrooms in the morning unless the bed is made. I decided over 20 years ago to begin my mornings with prayer and spiritual reading. These habits can be sustaining and comforting in times of trouble.
Step Seven - Reward yourself
We are beings that respond to rewards. Build in a reward for consistently practicing a behavior for a week a month or a year. Perhaps you put a vase of flowers on that clear countertop or splurge on a facial or massage. Rarely will rewards for change come from friends and family. In fact, expecting them can be a set up for disappointment. Decide what you want to change for yourself do it for yourself, then reward yourself.
There is no limit to the changes you can make in your home and in your life. You can be on Step 1 with one goal and Step 7 with two others. Constantly growing and changing keeps us positive, optimistic and energetic. What are you doing to start to change today. Email me your plans and progress.
Helen Flynn, M.S.W., MEd., C.L.C., Realtor®
Direct: 703-328-7187
Website: www.helenflynnsells.com, www.clareaucoaching.com
Weichert, Realtors/ Clareau Coaching
YOUR HOME AND YOUR MENTAL HEALTH - as published in The Loudoun Independent, July 25th, 2007
Look around you - walk through your home in your mind or in reality. What emotion is it expressing? Is the sun streaming in rooms or is it dark and depressing? What is the mood of your bedroom? Is it an oasis of calm or does it do double duty as your office? What about your bathroom? Does it lend itself to you feeling fresh and organized or the opposite? As you explore, notice the different feelings that are evoked - by the drawing on the refrigerator or the old portrait on a table. Be aware of the colors and how they make you feel. Notice I have not mentioned the size or type of a home as a factor…it truly is not.
Your home is a reflection of you, your moods, likes and dislikes, ups and downs, joys and sorrows, past and present. You have the ability to change it to reflect the way you want it to be. You certainly do not want it to be a reflection of a false self or someone else’s vision of you. We live in a fast paced community. For some of us our homes reflect the chaos of our busy lives; for others of us they reflect memories of events and people now gone. If you share your home with one or many you may still have the power to put your imprint on it. Even Cinderella had “my own little corner” where she could be whatever she chose to be.
Your home, whether it is a small room in a friend’s basement or the grandest mansion can powerfully affect your emotions. What can you do to make the exterior entrance bring a smile to your face when you come home? It may be a pot of flowers, a hanging basket, or a swept de-cluttered walk or trim lawn. Decide for yourself what your home needs and then do it as soon as you can afford it.
Where do you spend the most time in your home? If it’s the kitchen go to any length to make it bright. Sometimes the lovely granite and wood cabinets block the light our spirits need. Does it need to be de-cluttered or arranged more efficiently? The block of time to do that may never come, so vow to redo a corner at a time as you’re cooking and multitasking six other things.
Surround yourself with a few things that have meaning and put the rest away for a while. Seeing a few meaningful things can bring such joy (I have pictures of my grandchildren all over the house) religious article or artwork that speaks to your soul belongs in a special place fresh flowers are a wonderful mood elevator. Get a large bouquet of flowers and spread it throughout the house or put a tiny vase of a single carnation in a spot you will see. Plants are another gift to give yourself.
My hope for you is that a thought here in may lead you to even a small step that brings more peace, calmness and joy into your life.
Helen Flynn, M.S.W., MEd., C.L.C., Realtor®
Direct: 703-328-7187
Website: www.helenflynnsells.com, www.clareaucoaching.com
Weichert, Realtors/ Clareau Coaching
